Somewhere around 24 years ago my wife and I attended a marriage retreat called Marriage Encounter. It was a Friday night through Sunday morning weekend. As it turned out, it was what I term; A Marriage Intensive.
What does this mean? The opening session was just a couple Giving Their Story. Next they shared a plan with us how the weekend was going to go. The summation of the plan was that after a short presentation on a marriage topic, all the couples would be retreating to their rooms for about an hour to review questions and then write each other letters about the questions. We would choose questions from the topic, then write for 10 minutes on each question, then discuss the questions together. Finally, we would return to the main room to discuss as a group. Then? Do it all over again. ALL WEEKEND.
But first they handed us a box of tissues. They not only expected you to cry, they knew you would. The underlying point of the entire encounter was vulnerability with your spouse.
Being vulnerable with your spouse is certainly a great place to start. It brings about honesty on a new level. It is the level in which we truly need to be with our spouse. It’s a deep knowing of each other. And in the case of marriage, it is your Gift of human Connection:
ALL OF YOU AND ALL OF YOUR SPOUSE CONNECTED TO GOD
I’ll never forget, after the first session as we were walking back to the main room, a couple had all their bags with them as they were leaving. They were letting the moderators know they were leaving, and their marriage was over.
When we returned form the encounter, my wife and I felt so strongly about the encounter that we joined the local chapter where we would meet once a month with other couples and do a bit of a bible study followed with similar format of journaling questions and of course fellowship. In addition, my wife and I brought the concept to our church to encourage others. We advertised in the bulletin and then presented it during the Sunday School hour.
Besides the Pastor joining us, one person showed up. It was a woman. She listened to our presentation and then after the Pastor left, she confided in us. “Is this program for couples who are struggling?” Our answer? While this format could potentially help, it wasn’t necessarily meant for couples who are already on the brink of divorce. It was meant to prevent that crisis in the first place!
Here is the thing: Our culture and often even our Pastor and Faith tradition tells us that marriage is hard. Then it communicates with us that marriage is supposed to be hard. Yet through all this Hard Knox no matter what, we need to do more to stay together no matter what. This is the message that starts the dumpster fire marriage. No matter what? We all know that no matter what is not entirely true, but that is not the message we are often given. And so we stay in a marriage we hate and don’t expect it to change. We forget that:
Eve was created WITH Adam not FOR Adam.
Yes, there are many marriages out there that are in deep trouble. Some of them will end in divorce. Some of them should end in divorce! A Life Saving Divorce! Of course, we pray for the people in those marriage situations. That is not what I am writing about today.
Today I am offering you a tool that will enhance your marriage. This is for the marriages who just like everyone else, has issues but can still find the right path. Or even better yet, you are brand new in marriage and you want to prevent the issues form starting in the first place! It starts with positive messaging that states in its title: YOU CAN HAVE
THE MARRIAGE YOU WANT!
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