Happy Friday everyone.  Nope today is Thursday.  You might ask why this isn’t a post for FUN FRIDAYS!  Today, I wanted to tell you why the FUN ZONE exists.  It’s not on a Friday because it’s serious.  Sometimes we need to be serious. 

Why did I create the FUN ZONE?

I love to laugh.  I love to have fun.  However, I did not create the FUN ZONE for me.  I created it for you!

Let me explain.  I have shared that I have been in a 12-step program for recovery from sex addiction for over 20 years.  What many people who have never been in a 12-step program don’t realize, is that a 12-step program is a God program.  See, many folks that come into 12 step programs do not have a concept of God or if they do or did, they are no longer a believer or question their faith or some variation of God has not been part of their life for fill in the blank reason.  The founders of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) knew that in order to recover from the malady of alcoholism, they needed a power greater than themselves.  That greater power is God.  If you read through the list of 12-steps, God is referenced 8 times. They even introduce God softly in Step 2 as a power greater than yourself. The point of all this is that you can’t do the program without at least a power greater than yourself.  They hope you grab on to God.  If you can at least grasp a power greater than yourself there is hope for you. Without it – honestly you will probably not hang around with us long.

Here at Give Your Story, my starting point for you is simply hope.  Hope is a God given gift for us to fill our need to find Him so that we can love him back.  That is all He wants from us.  When I write about Jesus and Christianity my stats say that people are interested.  So, I make an assumption here that many of you are drawn here through hope and already have a God/Christian foundation. 

When guys like me end up in a 12-step program for recovery of sex addiction we are hurting.  Our lives are a mess.  We have hurt people to get sex.  Many of us have abusive patterns in our relationships and we have hurt others.  Often, we find the 12-step program out of desperation.  We can’t stand ourselves, our life is a mess, we hurt others and we in the throes of consequences that SUCK!  As we like to say in jest in the 12 step rooms – “We didn’t get here on a winning streak!” 

That statement leads me to why I created the FUN ZONE.  Recovery work is not fun.  It is painful.  It hurts. It is a long slog and quite frankly a pain in the butt!  Uncovering that I am a self-seeking person whose belief system is out of whack and admitting that I had abusive patterns in my relationships that could have turned for the worse at any moment, that did harm to others while self-seeking sex for my own comfort no matter the effects on others, is not fun!  As a matter of fact, it is downright depressing!       

So, in a 12 step program we are taught that in order to be able to recover from this BIG life shattering realization that our foundation of life is all wrong, we need God to lean on to climb out of the pit we were given and that we dug deeper.  Can I repeat how much that SUCKS?

Honestly there is 100% nothing funny about my being groomed and molested.  There is nothing funny about the anger in me that came out sideways and the way I treated others.  There is nothing funny about me using porn and other sexual deviate activities to comfort myself from the pain I endured.  There is nothing funny about the fact that I hurt my wife and others in relationships so that I could get what I wanted – sex to comfort me.  NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT THAT!

Shame is a HUGE part of anyone’s recovery whether you are the abuser or the victim or both.  In the case of the sex addict, shame causes them to return to their sexual behaviors as they seek comfort from the pain, they are in.  It’s messed up.  We do insane things to get away from the insanity of the pain.  It truly is a form of insanity!  Then more pain is inflicted on the sex addict when they get into recovery.  They realize their life is a sham.  What do they do?  They either choose to lean on God or they continue to add to their story by continuing the addictive cycle.

In the 12 step rooms there are lots of sayings that are puns and slogans to ponder on and give you a way out of your stinkin thinkin (Stinkin Thinkin is an AA slogan) about yourself(SHAME).  My favorite slogan is Rule 62.  The general origin of Rule 62 is that recovery work is serious and many often come up with a set of rules that one needs to follow in order to recover.  It’s kind of like the 10 commandments.  God gave us these rules but really, we are to live by the Spirit and when we live by the Spirit, we actually live out the 10 commandments.  So, in the 12-step room we call out the too serious thinkers and rule makers by using Rule 62.  Rule 62 in a 12-step room simply means don’t take yourself so Dam seriously!  Or for all purpose for a Christian correlation: Live by the Spirit.

So, we laugh about the ridiculousness of our thinking. Our behaviors violated accepted cultural views and normal conduct.  That is NOT funny.    The thinking to how we got to our bad spot that made us choose a bad path was often ridiculous.  This we can laugh about.  Remember the above statement “We didn’t get here on a winning streak!” This is an example of how we laugh at ourselves. Laughter in this case is a healing medicine.   You will find this laughter in a 12-step room.  We call it identification laughter.  We identify with the ridiculousness of ours and others thinking. 

So, I created the FUN ZONE.  For you!   It is a tool that one who is need of hope can use as a place to relax.  A place to take a break from all the pain that comes from growing out of self-centeredness.  It is a place to get away from all the seriousness that comes with personal growth.  It is a place that you can give to others to offer hope.   Yes!  See when we make someone laugh, we are being giving!  Maybe we don’t know how to give of our time and our minds.  Maybe we have to learn how to give hope by giving someone laughter?  I don’t really know how it works for you.  Me?  I love to laugh.  You know what really makes me laugh?  Watching others laugh.  I am well known for laughing well beyond a funny situation’s true funniness, as I end up laughing at you laughing!  For me, laughing is a way I connect with you.  It’s so awesome and so freeing!  When I laugh with you and have fun with you, I can take that and apply that to my relationship with God.    When I Iearn to laugh with you and we connect, I am learning how to laugh with God and connect with Him.  That is what he wants!  He wants a relationship with us.  He wants to cry with you and be part of your pain.  He wants to be angry with you (in a healthy way) and comfort you in your sorrows.  How do we do that?  That’s hard!  I don’t know about you, but I had a real hard time with that.  Laughing however is easy and fun.  So, if I can start laughing with God maybe I can allow him in on my hurt and pain and sorrows.  Then we can ALL shout for joy with HIM! 

Here is what I really want to tell you about the FUN ZONE.  The FUN ZONE doesn’t matter.  It’s simply a tool for you to use.  It’s a path to point you in the right direction.  Who doesn’t like to laugh and have fun?  However, be aware when I have captured your attention with laughter, that gives me an opportunity for my real goal.   

I want to point you to Jesus.  That’s it!

Throw out my mission statement, throw out my story, throw out all the thank you letters to everyone who has helped me along the path.  My story and my journey is only the vehicle in which I choose to point you to Jesus.  Hopefully we laugh along the way with Jesus.  It’s not about me.  It’s not about the people who helped me.  It’s not about the FUN ZONE, FUN FRIDAYS! or the Kewl Monkey.  It’s not about Give Your Story. 

IT’S ABOUT THE HOPE OF JESUS.