This week, I am on my third round in the last 3-4 weeks, of a bipolar attack. Today is the hang over. Each event has its own set of challenges, and me figuring out how to handle it and respond correctly. If I am honest with you, I am 1 for 3 in being successful in responding without impact to others. It’s been rough. I can’t recall this type of bipolar pattern in the last 8 years, since I truly have been focused on this part of my mental health. It is possible, that this is just one big event that I have actually been successful (with much failure) in disrupting 3 times.

However, I press on. Unfortunately, pressing on is what is also expected out of me. In my opinion, it would be so much easier to have an outwardly displayed disability where people could see my limitations. Then they would not expect as much from me, is my reasoning. Sure, I could take a sick day, and this past Monday, I did I take half a day. Bipolar events are not just a one off, one day event for me. They typically cycle 2-4 days. That would equal a lot of time off!

Here is the delineation: In the beginning of an event, at best, I am laughing and having a great time, but I tire easily and end up on the couch early in the evening falling asleep, just to get up 2 hours later and go to bed for the night. That can be just enough to break the cycle, so I can move on for the better the next day. Often, a nap during the day can put me back on track as well. Irritability and over sensory intake can throw me off. My behavior can become erratic and things can really tick me off. At its worst, the symptoms involve pain. Pain in my skull. Pain in my eyes. The pain is similar to migraine type headaches and is jarring, and can lead to blurred vision, ringing in the ears and confusion. Satan attacks me and my God allows it. I have asked and He prefers my weakness.  

I HAVE FAILED.

I HAVE HOPE.

I BELIEVE.

JESUS IS MY ROCK.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NIV

⁷ or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.