It really sucked me in and I was really unable to move forward. It was hard to see that coming.

Could you answer the question? What are your Fears?

Back in the 90’s there was a clothing line that came from the skateboarding world called, “No Fear”.  That is what I think of when someone asks me; What are your fears?

The ego in me wants to tell you, I do not have any fears. I have worked on my fears for 22 years, I am good now. Well… We all know that is not true. However, what I can tell you is, I am comfortable.

I had an article all written about fears. I had the different types of fears all listed out and some stories that would help the reader, understand the different types of fears. I even had bible verses to back it up. The problem? I didn’t like it. It didn’t get to the root of the question. The article wasn’t supposed to be about your fears. It was supposed to be about my fears. I wanted you to see my fears to give you hope, that you might see yours. That didn’t work out in that article. So, I scrubbed it.

Sure, I can tell you about my primal fear of heights that shows up from time to time when I go up on a roof or out on a lighthouse landing. Everyone knows about primal fears. It is a fact of life. They are the easiest of fears to see and admit too.

Sure, I can tell you about my rational fear and the small engine fire we had this past weekend where I visioned the entire engine going up in flames and catching my shed on fire. I could literally see the firetruck coming down the lane. However, we got the fire out quickly with no damage except for some brown grass. Just for fun fact – the engine is now running. That incident was totally rational fear and also very easy to tell you about.

What is the hardest fear to talk about? Especially with friends? Irrational fear. This is where the rubber meets the road. When you can look at these fears, then you are on fire! While writing my original article I have now scrubbed, I couldn’t pull these fears. I was blocked. It is very hard to look at yourself. Even when you want to. So, I pulled a friend into the situation. I told him about my conundrum and the more we talked about ourselves and our fears, the more I saw.

After some real hard and deep looks, I was finally able to sort out my thoughts and identify my fears.

So what are my fears? If I had to summarize it in just a few words, it would be fear of half a relationship. That took a bit to pull from the depths. As I write it out, it triggers the abandonment issues and I can feel that to the core. I believe that is the root fear, that feeds subconscious messaging I must battle, on a daily basis.

The good news is, I have an answer. My Sponsor in my 12-Step program used to say this to me:

“What is the opposite of Fear? Love is the answer.”

The answer is LOVE. And go figure, I want to give you a story.

I have shared on the blog, that over the years I would often ask my wife in half jest and half truth, “Why do you love me?” “Why do you stay with me?” I say things like, “You are crazy for loving me.” You are crazy for staying with me.” Yet she loves. Yet she stays. And after 29 years of being together and 25 years of marriage, my wife finally gave me the reason why she loves me, besides things like: “I just love you.” or “It was meant to be.” Or my favorite: “It’s stupid love.” She told me, that she loves me and stays with me because, she sees personal growth and change. Now that, I can hang my hat on!

Recently, my wife and I were in a situation and she asked me, why do I love her? It was an outside the box moment for us. Maybe even a role reversal. In addition, the situation we were in, was not conducive to a lengthy conversation. My answer to such a large question in the heat of the moment?

“If I had to summarize it in just a few words, it is because you give so much.”

You see, to give is to love – Love is the answer to fear. There is no fear in those stories. Just love.

1 John 4:16-18

¹⁶ And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. ¹⁷ This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. ¹⁸ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Our friends surround you.
Our friends dig you out.
Our friends hook up the tow cable.
Our friends pull you out.
Our friends give you MORE BIG FULL FRUIT.
Our friends LOVE YOU.
Our friends are Jesus.

LOVE – UNSTUCK