Judging others is a tough topic. In the bible, Jesus tells us not to judge others. Then Jesus tells us to judge correctly.

Matthew 7:1–2 (NIV)

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

John 7:24 (NIV) — “Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly.”

So, which is it? Jesus does not conflict His own message. I think a better way to describe the answer is, it is nuanced. It is not black and white.

It might be better described as “what to do and what not to do.”

I recall a 12-step meeting I was in many years ago and the topic was judging others. Each person that shared on the topic shared how we shouldn’t judge others. I am most positive I chimed in in the same way. Then, a woman spoke last. Her words struck me. She opened her share with the question. “Should I judge others?” Followed up with a swift “Your dam right I should judge others, for I need to know what to do and what not to do!”

Judging by “what not to do” means observing others and discerning that this is not how Jesus would want me to act or live.

Judging by “what to do” means observing others and discerning that this IS how Jesus wants me to act or live.

Back in the day when snail mail was still a more relevant way to communicate, every year right before school would start, Teacher assignment postcards were sent out to each family. It was all the buzz. All the Mom’s would be on the phone comparing who little Johnny got for his teacher and finding out all the scoop on their kids’ new teacher. My wife was a big participant in this activity and quite frankly, I hated it. Why? It seemed like prejudgment to me. Besides, we have our own experiences with people. One year, I recall, my son got Ms. Poole. She was not well thought of from all the chatter. I remember, my wife telling me all about it. My response? We will have our own experience. And we did! Turns out, Ms. Poole was an awesome teacher-For us anyway. Now mind you, she was quite terse sometimes, but we loved her. And she was just the teacher our son needed that year. In the meantime, however, other students and parents were not having the same experience. And we heard all about it. We had our own experience, and we still love Ms. Poole.

Often, when I am in new atmospheres, there is always someone willing to tell you about Sally. They offer it up without you even asking. Introductory by reference can have powerful impact. I recently introduced myself to someone, and his response to my introduction of myself was all about how I could make him money. Most of us would consider that response a red flag. It would put our judger on alert. Usually when a colleague tells me to be careful with another colleague, I proceed with caution. I keep an open objective mind about what I have been told. I qualify the person who informed me as to the potential for their accuracy, and then I go have my own experience. However, I keep that reference in the back of my mind as I proceed. A working example of this might look like this:

“What to do.”

You are having a conversation with a colleague and it seems productive, but you never get any results. You can’t get that guy to do his job! You mention it to your other colleague, and he tells you that you need to be careful with him. He then tells you how to proceed in order to help you. In this case he suggests you document your conversations with this person with follow up emails, copying your supervisor. You take your colleagues advice into consideration and it turns out, it works. You now have a great working relationship with that guy! Can you see the “what to do” in this scenario?

“What Not to Do.”

On the other hand. Let’s say your Mom bakes cakes and sells them. She also has a friend Wilmah who bakes cakes and sells them too. However, your Mom’s cakes are selling better than Wilmah’s cakes. But hey, friends are friends, right? So, your Mom and Wilmah endorse each other’s cakes in hopes they can both sell lots of cakes. Your good friend Ara goes to the baking conference at the local church. Wilmah is at the conference. Ara knows all about your Mom and Wilmah’s cakes, but Ara never met Wilmah before. Ara introduces himself by way of referencing you and your Mom. Wilmah’s response to Ara’s introduction; “Yeah, “I love your friends Mom, but I don’t like the way she attacks the vendors to get her ingredients”.  Ara used his best judgment to warn his friends Mom about Wilmah representing her cakes. What do you think? Where is the “what not to do” in this scenario?

We have to use our own judgment. Jesus is our example we should use. Jesus taught us not to judge others hypocritically or self-righteously. Jesus judged by discerning truth, exposing sin, and defending God Righteously. 

Judging correctly means seeing others through the lens of truth and grace-choosing to form our own experiences while reflecting the discernment and compassion of Jesus.