Do you want to read this SEXPLANATION? I got one for you.
Hold on a second though. Before I give it to you, I need to tell you the backstory. A couple weeks ago a reader submitted a story. In his story that you can read here: Tell It Tuesday – A Brief Stumble and a Tumble that I re-organized a bit, is an explanation of God’s Design for Sex, What Sex IS, and What Sex Is NOT. My friend and I worked on that language together to come up with a fitting truth that matched his story, and also coincided with the views I hold (and we all should) about the Truth About SEX. This past Friday, by no surprise, an author friend of mine posted what I beleive is a an even better SEXPLANATION!
By Sheila Wray Gregoire
Excerpt from:(Click the link to read the FULL article)
How Can We Talk About Men’s Sexual Desire in a Healthy Way?
But if I were that pastor, talking to men who felt desperate for more sex in marriage, and women who were ambivalent about sex in marriage, I would say this:
God created us to be passionate. One of the ways He did that was to create sex–that ultimate “knowing” of someone else, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually, too. God created us so that physically, we can actually lose control and feel the height of human pleasure with one single person. And that unique, personal experience is so intimate.
The problem is that this isn’t automatic. Women take a little longer to warm up, so husbands would have to learn to “woo” their wives (for lack of a better word) and wives would have to communicate about what feels good. Women are more vulnerable during sex, and so safety, both emotional and physical, is a huge part of her arousal pathway. The couple has to work on communication and affection so that they feel close in all areas of their lives before sex even works. This actually is a good thing! Because they have to work on other aspects of the relationship to make sex great, sex will never become only physical, which is its danger.
And there are several dangers. The danger for many men is that sexual pleasure is so easy that they may take shortcuts, and miss out on the passion that God really designed us for–mutual passion where it’s about far more than something just physical, and it’s a true “making love”, not just having sex. They may feel that sex is their route to intimacy, and accept the dopamine response instead of doing the work of emotionally connecting. That’s going to leave both of you empty later.
The danger for many women is that sex can be so fraught with difficulties that they may give up altogether, or figure that it’s just not worth the effort. And in so doing they miss out on something amazing.
And that’s what it comes down to: If God made something to be this incredible, why would you want to miss out on that? God created you for passion that is experienced intimately, together; never, ever settle for less!
If sex isn’t that in your marriage yet, that’s okay. It can be the most fun research project you’ll ever do together! But let me assure you: even if it takes time to get there, there is such beauty in feeling totally and utterly physically and spiritually connected to another human being who loves you and cherishes you. Don’t miss out on it. It may take time to repair if you’ve created negative dynamics in your marriage that has made her feel used, or made her feel that sex isn’t for her. Healing takes time, and needs to be done at the pace of the one who was hurt. But I hope you can get there, because great sex can be something that keeps your marriage strong, and helps you feel so loved and so relaxed. It can be one of the best parts of your marriage, if you both give it the attention it deserves and you both understand what it takes for her to embrace it fully (since she is ultimately the more vulnerable one).
To be honest, if I were a guy reading that message, I’d still be nervous. Maybe I’d rather have that guilt message, because it sounds more urgent. Women need to hear how big a deal this really is, and all this “airy fairy sex can be lovely” message doesn’t have the same punch.
But let me assure you, as a woman: This is a far better message. It calls us to something higher, something better. It points to a God who loves us, not a God who wants us to feel guilty or used. It points to mutually satisfying sex that is for both of us, not sex that was created primarily for one person. It calls us to disciple our sexuality, not use it to override The Golden Rule when we relate to our spouse.
It is not only more effective from a female point of view; It is kinder. It is more loving. And it is also more in line with how God made sex.
Because, you see, sex is not just about a man’s desire. Sex is about a relationship characterized by safety and intimacy. And if you take shortcuts to get desire met, you’ll find that nothing will ever satiate that desire, because it’s a not real intimacy at all.
End Excerpt Article
What a beautiful SEXPLANATION! we can ALL embrace. Thank you Shiela!