This morning, as I sat down at 6:45 am to write, my phone rang. It was a man I sponsor from my 12-step program for sex addiction, which I actively participate in. The man had called me yesterday, but I never had a chance to call him back. While it is not uncommon for me to be talking to someone on the phone at this hour, this time of the morning for this man was odd.

As I answered the phone, I could hear the hysteria in his voice immediately. He explained that he had just been in a vehicle accident that was his fault, and he was screwed. Thankfully, no one was hurt. I did the best I could for him and his situation with only one vehicle for his family that was now totaled. I went and picked him up and took him home. He was distraught at best.

During my car ride with this man this morning, a question came up. We were talking about our mistakes and errors and how they impact us. The question was this:

Why do the things I do wrong have more severe impact on me than the things I do right?

Sometimes we make errors. I am a fallible human being. Tuesday was my last day of employment at my job. As you might guess, this is not a fun event for me. At the end of the day, while I am okay with how I handled the situation personally, I was in the wrong according to the company policy. I made a poor judgment call with regard to following my company’s policies.

When I reflect on that question, it’s a stumper. When I review the tapes of my own story, I see the wreckage of my past. There is so much wreckage when I rewind those tapes.

I have a favorite blog that I read. Baremarriage.com is the primary inspiration to Give Your Story. The authors at this site follow scientific findings to provide “evidence-based biblical advice for your sex life and your marriage.” One of my favorite stats that is shared at this blog is also something I have heard in professional environments. As a teacher, instructor, and presenter, I have shared this stat with people as well. When you give a presentation, people only retain about 10% of what you are presenting. As a presenter, when you are aware of this statistic and you focus on it, it makes you a better presenter and helps your audience retain the most important parts of your presentation. For me, I am blunt. I usually share this stat or remind my audience if they have heard it before. “This is the 10%!”

Remembering not to include the things that were out of my control, when I think about all the wreckage in my life that I alone caused, I see a large impact. Things like my anger and verbal discord with my wife and family. Sex addiction and infidelity by the actions I took with pornography and other actions of self-fulfillment for sexual gratification. Bankruptcy due to my ego in a business I started where I rejected my wife’s input. Countless job scenarios gone bad and my poor choices that led to those situations. I have a laundry list of things I could keep writing for you and how they have impacted me and my wife and my family.

I can’t go back and change it, but rather I can choose to learn from my mistakes. In my more recent error case, I have now had to come to grips with my bipolar on a new level. Something I have not wanted to admit. Something I thought a health professional would have told me by now. That is that I am impaired. Sometimes I make bad choices only because I am human. Sometimes I make bad choices because I am human and my mental health may have input. I, however, have the responsibility to correct myself regardless. Sometimes that means paying the consequences of my actions to cause change for the better of my character.

HERE IS THE 10% 

Here is the good news. I have done 10% of my life correct so far. Here is how I know. Here is the evidence: 

1. First and foremost, God has been with me the entire time. He has never left me and is at my side here at this very moment while I write. Jesus paid the price of my sins/errors, and he was raised from the dead and sits at the right hand of the Father in the only glorified human body in heaven. This is GOOD NEWS! Do you know what’s even better? That’s not the end of the story. He will return to this earth and he will take my dust back with him to join with me in heaven as a glorified body of Christ, to be with Him. To me, this alone is the 10%.
2. I have the most wonderful supporting wife you could ever ask for. I have been graced by Grace. That is my wife’s name. She has been super supportive of me through all the tough times that we have gone through together. Some of those times were not my doing. Others I am much and or all to blame. Just a few months ago when things were not upside down as they are today, I received a card from my wife. It says “I Love Our Life.” Yesterday I received another card from her that says “Prayer for you.” Grace is my rock and my friend. She loves me, and honestly, I do not know why sometimes. For that, I am grateful.
3. I have three wonderful children who love me. I am proud of all of them and who they are and who they are becoming. Each one of them has a path they are on, and I am part of it. I get to love them, guide them, and be with them. Most of all, I get to have fun and laugh with them. For this, I am grateful.

How does one accomplish this with all the wreckage I have caused? Do you see? New question:

Do the things I do wrong have more severe impact on me than the things I do right?

Do you see that regardless of my errors, I have what matters most? I didn’t do it. The hand of my creator is the root of my success.

JUST 10%!