Yesterday, I was not moved to write. I had a rough night’s sleep and insomnia. As I lay in bed, I stared at the ceiling, tossed and turned, and ran through scenarios in my head for three hours. In addition, we received some bad news yesterday as well. Fear gripped me, and while yesterday was generally fine, mentally I was off. The best I could do yesterday was keep busy to stay out of my head.

Because I did not write yesterday, I asked myself the following question. Do you have faith?

I needed to get out of my space, and I needed inspiration. So I found a movie to watch to encourage me. The movie is called ‘I Still Believe.’ I knew from the moment I saw the title that it would move me. It would move me to a better place. Here is my summary of the movie:

The purpose of the movie is to tell you the story of Melissa Lynn Henning-Camp. Melissa was a young woman who fell in love with a man named Jeremy. She had her whole life ahead of her when she developed stage 3 cancer in the early part of their relationship. She was hospitalized in the middle of a relationship challenge that separated them. Jeremy came to her side and stayed with her through her ordeal. During this time, God moved Melissa to pray. She was not moved to pray for herself but rather for Jeremy and his future wife (wife being unknown). Melissa’s cancer mysteriously vanished, and the two of them were able to have the wedding of their dreams. The cancer would soon return, and she would succumb to her illness. The man she left behind we know as the musician Jeremy Camp. Their unending faith drives them to Love, Hope, and stregthened Faith.

The love story from the movie reminded me of my own. There is agreement of how I met my wife and the circumstances behind it. However, there are details that we both remember differently and have debated more recently on how it really went down. Here is how I remember meeting my wife.

December 23rd, 1995, was a cold Saturday, and the plan was for me and my friends to head out to see a band that evening. There were piles of snow on the ground from recent snow accumulation, and I headed to my friend’s house to go over the plan for the evening. I had heard that my friend’s girlfriend’s friend was going to be coming along with us. I knew a little bit about this woman from my other friends, and quite frankly, it was not positive. I guess she hadn’t heard the best about me and my loud type behavior as well. I had a good rapport with my friend’s parents, and it was always fun to join in my friend’s family dynamics. I was always well received, and that day was no different. As I was let into the house to see my friend, I was met with the usual jovial greetings. While I waited for my friend to enter the room, I was introduced to Grace. She was sitting on the couch with a big smile on her face. Then there was this moment. This moment that we both shared. Internally I said to myself, ‘watch this be the one.’ Somehow I knew that this was the woman I was going to marry. She also had the same instinct. ‘He was the one.’ (Note at 1pm 1/24/24 Grace informed me that her instinct was the same as mine ‘watch this be the one’) ( I still can’t get it right LOL. I knew that this was the work of God. I made my way over to shake her hand and formally introduce myself as I plucked peanut M&M’s from the dish on the endstand sitting beside her. From there, I courted her with my silliness and charm. The rest, as they say, is history!

Coming up on 24 years of marriage and 3 kids later, we have had our share of trials and tribulations. There has been heartbreak and there has been joy. There have been tough times and there have been good times. Sometimes my faith has wavered on this journey. That is the story I want to tell today.

Maybe you are asking, ‘Why do you want to talk about how your faith waivers? Why wouldn’t you rather talk about how strong your faith is?’

There is a scene in the ‘I Still Believe’ movie where Jeremy asks his Dad what he is supposed to do with all the prayers he made throughout his life that seemingly went unanswered. Prayers for health for his brother, prayers for the healing of his wife. The Dad’s response was, in my opinion, the crux of the movie.

I Still Believe Dad and son scene (Click the link)

Yes, I have had big dreams. Yes, I have had big disappointments. Sitting in the thick of it is not easy. Despite the hardships in my life, I have this woman in my life who pours her heart out for me. She stands with me regardless of the circumstances. She is my rock. I have been graced by Grace, and I am forever grateful. I too am proud of what I/we have accomplished in my marriage and my family. I am proud and thankful to God for all that he has given me. While I may not feel okay, I am definitely taken care of. God has provided for me. Through my struggles, my faith is only strengthened. That is the journey that Jesus lived for us.

I have BIG HOPE for you. That is why I write. Sometimes my faith wavers. Thankfully, I am given the gift of redemption which only strengthens my faith.

Do you have faith?