Is more Important than my Story…
Yesterday I shared my perspective of my daughters birth, 18 years ago. It was the short version of Why It Matters. However, there was a MUCH BIGGER PLAYER involved. That would be OF COURSE, my wife GRACE who DID ALL THE WORK! I just played catcher! (for the record, as you will see, our memories of the event are not the same — lol)
While birth stories outside of the “norm” are fairly common, if you ever notice, when they are told:
Everyone except the Mother are the focus of the story!
By request from my cousin’s wife, and the realization that my wife Grace should be exemplified in the birth story of OUR daughter, Here is my wife’s side of the story, of the God given, unexpected Gift, of the birth of our daughter, in quick fashion. (This was written shortly after the event for documentation purposes. It has lots of punctuation, grammar and run on sentence errors. I did a quick edit and clean up to make it readable, but left it mostly raw) Enjoy!
Story
Wednesday, December 19th 2007
Grace’s Account:
7:30am The entire family, Phil, Grace and Tucker were still asleep until about 7:30am. Grace got up, I made a phone call to the babysitter to let her know that Tucker would be coming later that morning, we were just moving slowly because we all had coughs and difficult night sleeping. I called work and left a message that I would be in shortly, again a slow start to the day. I went downstairs to sit with Phil, who had moved to the couch in the middle of night to try to sleep. He was supposed to have been out of the house by 6am to head to Bloomsburg for work. I had been up throughout the night going to the bathroom and coughing, I had some minor cramping but nothing that kept me awake at night. I did however have thoughts and remembrance’s about when my labor started with Tucker, but I had no signs like I did with him.
8:00am Phil and I got up and were going to get moving for the day. However I did tell Phil that I felt some cramping in the lower part of belly but nothing like I had felt when in labor with Tucker. A few times it did make me stop what I was doing because it was sort of intense but I was able to keep going. Phil asked me what I was going to do that day and I said “I think we are going to have a baby” (meaning at some point by the afternoon, I was thinking it would be at least a 6 hour labor, meaning about half the time it was with Tucker.) Phil headed up stairs to get ready for the day; I ate one donut and headed up the stairs. I do remember thinking that I can’t walk these stairs, but I had to get upstairs. Phil took a shower and I told him I would try to head into work. I also told him that if need be I would ask for an epidural because with being sick I couldn’t breath correctly through my nose, it was all stuffed up, and he said “whatever you want”, I just wanted him to know that I might head down that path in not being able to deal with the pain. I started getting ready but was having contractions at the time. Tucker got up. I then started packing an over night bag for Tucker. He asked what I was doing and I was having contractions at that point and had to stop what I was doing because they were strong. Phil said he would stick around the house for the day and make phone calls instead of heading out for work, I told him to go now if he was going to go (good thing he didn’t listen to me). Phil made phone calls for work and to his mom alerting her that a baby would be born at some point that day and she would have to pick up Tucker at the babysitter’s house.
8:30am – 9am Phil was downstairs taking care of Tucker, trying to get him fed and making calls. I had some more contractions in trying to get dressed for the day and in wanting to re-pack my hospital bag. I bent over onto the bed because they were strong, I was feeling uncomfortable standing and/or sitting, I couldn’t get comfortable on the bed or in the office chair. I went into our bathroom. At this point I had my watch on and decided to time how long the contractions were since I would have to tell the Dr., they were 30-40 seconds long and only a few minutes apart. I thought this can’t be happening this quick. What about 20 minutes apart to 10 minutes apart? Phil did come up to check on me, he brought me the barf bucket. Tucker kept coming into the bathroom and asking if I had to poop. He said, “Mommy this is how I poop” and ran into the hall bathroom to show me. Than when I had the barf bucket I was holding it on my lap and he said “Mommy are you going to throw up? This is what you do” and he put it up closer to my face. I do remember hearing them downstairs and thinking that they needed to be quite.
9am- 9:30am Phil came up stairs again, to check on me, he asked if I had called the Dr. yet and I had not because my phone was in the other room (I was also starting to think I have to unplug the curling iron, but I can’t get off the toilet). As I was calling the Dr.’s office the answering service picked up and I could barely speak the pain was so intense and so fast. Phil heard my desperate message and recognized things were going a lot faster than he thought. Tucker came upstairs to check on me, I was so hot and very uncomfortable and in pain I wasn’t sure how I was going to get threw it, I told him to get Daddy that Mommy needed his help. I told Phil to take Tucker to Pam’s house, he was trying to find the number and when he came up the stairs, I than said “call Karen (meaning Dr. Karen across the street), Phil didn’t know I was talking about her. He then called 911 instead. When Phil was heading back upstairs, I remember feeling the urge to push and I started to and stood up and felt a bulge (I was thinking oh shit this is it I am going to have my kid on the toilet, in the toilet!) (HELP!) Phil came into the bathroom and was on the phone with the 911 operator, he helped get me off the toilet. He kept telling Tucker to go downstairs and open the door for the policeman. He had Tucker get me pillows and they got towels. Tucker handed me my good pillow and I threw it into the bathtub because I didn’t want to get it dirty. I remember intense, indescribable pain and pushed her head out without to much pushing. Phil had her and he said something about a purple baby and I thought oh my baby (I don’t want a dead baby, help me) he told me to push again, I did and she came out. I was holding onto the toilet for support. At some point Tucker had unlocked the door downstairs. Within seconds a policeman was there helping Phil and me. Phil wrapped Addison in a towel and put her on my stomach, she was covered in the white mucus stuff and her eyes were so disorientated, she had very dark hair. And she was not crying very much, I kept asking if she was okay. They asked Phil for shoe laces to tie the cord because no one had their maternity kit and the paramedics were not there yet. He took off his sneaker and gave them his shoelace. The paramedics (John) tied off the cord, then they were about to cut the cord and I told them Phil wanted to do it, he cut the cord this time. He took Addison downstairs. I guess by then my bleeding had slowed down. I didn’t feel as shaky as I had at this point with Tucker. They were then going to transfer me downstairs on our office chair, but then an emergency chair thing was here from the paramedics. They moved me off the floor onto the chair while I was holding the cord. They moved me downstairs, and were very good at making sure I was feeling ok. They got me downstairs, and Phil’s Mom was there holding Tucker. She said congratulations and Tucker gave me a kiss. They moved me to the stretcher and then moved me out the door into the ambulance. People in the neighborhood were out watching me.
The paramedics gave me oxygen and an IV, than we were off to the hospital. It was a bumpy ride and I rode backwards, Phil was sitting next to me holding Addison in towels. We were chatting with the EMT (Guy) about her name. And I told Phil, “by the way this is a good time to tell you, my parents are coming into town on Friday” I mentioned that I was hungry, we joked about stopping for something to eat. One of our cell phones rang. It was Christine calling from the OBGYN office and another time was Belinda (Mid-Wife) asking where we were. We were on our way. They wheeled me through the Emergency Room entrance and up to the third floor, maternity. Everyone was so happy for us and congratulated us. Once we got up to the maternity floor, Belinda and Melissa Smith (nurse) met us. They transferred me to the bed and the paramedics left. Belinda and Melissa checked me out. The nurses said Addison was very alert and trying to suck her fingers. I delivered the placenta and Belinda stitched me up. She said I tore pretty bad. This part was incredibly painful.
Phil’s Account:
Grace came downstairs ~ 7:45am. I had just turn off my ringer to my phone. I slept on the couch do to Grace coughing and getting up many times during the night waking me up. I stayed home because I did not feel good. I was supposed to be in Bloomsburg, PA for a 9am apt @ a Hanson Plant. Grace and I sat on the couch together for a little bit and after she got up I asked her what she was up to today. He response was “ I think I’ll have a baby today” I said ok and we laughed. I started thinking about how I was going to handle my day for work because there were some things I needed to get done before the weeks end and how I would fit it all in. Through discussion with Grace none of those things which involved travel were going to get done that day. I decided to stay home and figured we would be delivering a baby around 4pm. I started getting Tucker breakfast figuring I could take my time getting him over to Cathy’s 9 or 9:30 or even 10 if it took that long. As I was getting Tucker breakfast, I kept checking on Grace. Every time I went up stairs she was in one of the bathrooms. I would say are you ok and she would say yeah. So I continued getting myself and Tucker breakfast and started calling my appointments to cancel and my Mom to tell her that this was the day and she should be prepared to pick up Tucker at Daycare. I ended up speaking to one of my appointments that I was supposed to be at for about 15 minutes or so. When I finally hung up it was 8:50 or maybe even 9am. As I went up the stairs to check on Grace again Tucker was at the top of the steps calling for me. When he saw me he told me that Mommy needed help. I went in to check on her as she was sitting on the toilet and she said she felt like throwing up. I asked her if she had called her doctor and she said no. I handed her the phone and went downstairs in the basement to get her a puke bucket. When I returned I heard her leaving a message with the answering service for her doctor. The message was she had passed her mucous plug. But Graces voice was quite distressed and I could tell she seemed to be a lot further along than I thought. I asked her if she was ok and recall commenting to her that she seemed to be a lot further along than she has been indicating to me. That is when the orders started flying. She said Just take Tucker over to Cathy’s. I said ok….I will change his pull up and take him over in his Pajamas. I figured while I was changing him I may as well change his clothes as well. So as I started this task Grace said instead of your Mom picking Tucker up at Cathy’s just have her come over. So I called my Mom and told her to come over. After I hung up the phone Grace said just take Tucker to Pam’s. I said ok….let me get her phone number figuring I could take him down there faster than it did for me to find the number. As I raced to the kitchen and fumbled for the paper with the number on it, I raced back upstairs looking for the number the entire time. As I got back to our room, Grace said Call Karen. I said who the **** is Karen? Grace said Doctor Karen. I responded with who the **** is that? What is she going to do? Finally, thinking I put it together – Bruce and Karen next door. She said “Dr Karen..Dave and Karen next door?” With that I figured, if she is calling for a Doctor, I am calling 911. I just could not keep up it was happening too fast. Even when I dialed 911 I just figured that an ambulance would transport us to the hospital. The 911 operator asked me where my emergency was and I told her the address and I needed an ambulance that my wife was having a baby and that I just couldn’t keep up. She asked how long the contractions were, which I replied that I had no clue, she only went into labor less than hour ago and she seems to be beyond contractions. She asked where is she and I said on the toilet. She said to get her off the toilet. So with the phone to me ear I went in and grabbed Grace by a bear hug and got her onto the floor apologizing all the way down cuz it certainly wasn’t graceful. As I got Grace to the floor I dropped the phone and lost 911. I immediately started barking orders at Tucker to get Mommy pillows. Tucker started getting pillows off the bed and I started helping Grace get them behind her. I then got up and went to the closet and got a bunch of towels. I came back and Grace says I said “ok…here we go” As I was getting the towels all around Grace and trying to get her situated I noticed her crowning. I decided that most likely 911 would call me back and if they didn’t, I was calling them. As I picked up my phone, 911 called back. My recollections was I just said hello….and she said oh good I am glad you answered. I said..ok what do we do? She said to put pressure around the opening. As I was doing this I kept telling Tucker to go open the door for the ambulance man that was coming. I had to tell him probably 4 times. As all this was happening, I recall Riggs (our dog) standing right behind me and Tucker behind Riggs. I saw Grace push and the head get closer. As I explained this to the 911 operator, I kept telling Tucker to go open/unlock the door. Then the head popped out. I do not recall at what point Tucker took off and opened the door. Apparently though we found out later, Tucker saw mostly the entire thing. As I told the 911 operator the head came out, I recall asking her what to do many times. She may have told me, but I do not recall. Within a short period of time….maybe 20 seconds tops the head turned purple. I said oh ****….we got purple baby and I see the cord wrapped around her neck. I recall the 911 operator repeating me but not answering me as to what to do. She may have said push…but I recall coming up with the idea that this baby is purple and we just need to get her out. So I told Grace we have a purple baby and the cord is wrapped around her neck and we need to get this baby out now. PUSH! Grace pushed 2-3 times and with that I was holding a baby in my hands. I recall saying holy **** at least once while this was happening. I got her out and again was explaining that she was still purple and not moving all along talking to the baby telling her to breathe for me. I do not recall asking for help but rather telling the operator my next move. This was to swipe the mouth with my finger to remove any possible mucus or interference with the baby’s airway. As I swiped her mouth she jolted and her eyes opened. Her eyes bolted back and forth cross-eyed several times. Then she began a faint cry. I told Grace our baby was ok and then barked at Tucker once again making sure he opened the front door. He had opened the door, so I told him to come look at his baby sister. She is here! Addison is here! Tucker came in and viewed his sister and asked about the cord all wrapped around the baby that I was trying to untangle. Just then, the first person arrived on scene at the front door and yelled. I yelled back and when he came in I saw it was a police officer (Sgt Blake). I said hey and went back to what I was doing asking if the paramedics were on the way. The officer reached right in and started helping me un-wrap the cord and get the baby in a towel to keep her warm and get her on mommy’s tummy. As we got all that taken care of, the paramedic and a second officer (Officer Jordan) got here. I welcomed the medic into the bathroom and said, “here you go!” He asked for laces or string to tie off the cord. I gave him my laces from my shoe and went looking for an aspirator down stairs. As I went down the stairs I saw the ambulance and the cop cars and my Mom walking across the cul-de-sac. I directed my Mom in the house and told her the baby was born and to just wait downstairs there was all kinds of mayhem upstairs. I went into the garage to look for the aspirator that was supposed to be packed in the car. I came in with the bag and it was not in there. So I directed my Mom to help me get Tucker out of the room. As we went in I got Tucker to go to Grandma and then I got to cut the cord and take the baby. I went and stood in front of the fireplace to keep her warm. Officer Blake then went and retrieved more towels and warmed them in the dryer. Mom and Tucker cleaned up the huge mess of Thomas the trains and blocks so we could get Grace out to the ambulance. The trip to the hospital was mostly uneventful with chit chat and Grace feeling discomfort but mostly just JOY. You could tell everyone was just happy to be a part of it. When we arrived at the hospital we went directly to the birthing suite. We did walk through the emergency ward and had a security escort. As we walked through the ER, I had a big smile on my face as I carried a bundle of towels with baby Addison in it. It was really funny to see everyone in the ER just stop and stare at us like they did not know what to say. Finally someone said congratulations! And then is it a boy or a girl…and then many congratulations.
End Story
Thank you to my wonderful WIFE GRACE for being a WONDERFUL MOTHER.
I LOVE YOU.