I am not done cycling yet, but I did something I just realized was upside down.

I needed a brake. So, I took one and I still feel like I need to complete the brake. However, I am still here and still strong. What did I do that was upside down?

Well, let me tell you what I did that wasn’t upside down first.  I took some space for me – Healthy. I got as best of sleep I could by going to bed early and sleeping in a bit – Healthy. I took care of Phil and stepped carefully around obstacles that could cause me to mis-step – Healthy. I helped guys in my 12-step program – Healthy. I leaned on my wife and I wrote her a love note – Very Healthy. I read scripture and prayed – Extremely Healthy. Sounds great right?

All these things are safe to me.  Makes sense and actually appears like I did everything correct right? Problem is, I cut something out. I cut a pathway to God out. I have this new spiritual area developing that God is showing me. It is actually an incredible dream come true. It’s way awesomer than awesome. However, there is some unsureness of the situation. I don’t know the rules and I don’t want to misstep. Communication is limited and the way I was shown this path included a very important fact. Evil is lurking. I must protect this path with everything I have. I cannot let evil in – especially here. There is no way I will give up the opportunity Infront of me to be closer to God and in this case some really awesome people. So, fear says cut this part out – because this area could cause me to fall because the ground work is still being laid. But wait – Didn’t you just say that you are getting closer to God? Yes, I did. And God doesn’t ever cause you to fall so why would you run from him? It’s not like he is the enemy. Does this scare you? Does God scare you? No – What scares me is me. 

I Never Told This Story Before post includes more. Part of that story was an experience I had that is too long to share here and is for another day. In that experience I felt like Moses.   

Many years ago, as I was progressing positively in my 12-Step program. I started sponsoring people. One night my wife came out to get me for dinner while I was on the phone with someone I was sponsoring. I semi-ignored her call for dinner to keep talking to that individual. She came out about 10 mins later to call me for dinner again and said. “Who do you think you are? Moses?” I have never forgotten that. 

In my event that I experienced where I felt like Moses, I was on my knees and my eyes where closed and the sun was beaming on me like a bright light. God was telling me to be still and take Him in. ALL OF HIM….and further the message I was receiving was do not look at me and do not open your eyes until I tell you. All I could think of was how Moses stood outside The Promise Land looking in. Moses never got to enter the Promise Land. He had to stand outside and could only look in. Do I think this means Moses didn’t go to heaven? No, I don’t believe that. What I do believe, is that Moses limited his relationship with God and as a result, he never got the milk and honey. 

I stayed on my knees facing the bright sun and I waited for what I think was about 20 minutes of mediation just waiting for God to tell me that it was ok to open my eyes. You Sea, I want that milk and honey. I want The Promise Land. I will do whatever it takes and I am not going to screw this up! If that means step with care then I will do it! And so here is the irony in the next sentence. I screwed up. I cut out a pathway to God that he is giving me because of fear. I Sea it. 

I have two friends that I keep telling – THERE IS MORE! I believe that with ALL MY HEART. THERE IS MORE! And there will always continue to be MORE! until I am 6 feet under. And then? THERE IS MORE!

I am here. I am not leaving you. I am not running from you and I am not trying to escape. I just want to do the best I can to get this right. I really don’t care what I have to do. I love you. Jesus I praise You and I DRIVE TOWARDS GOD!

Let’s Go!