I want to go but I have been at rest. What do I mean? My brain has been telling me things are moving too slowly, but my body has been saying you are doing a good job resting. My brain has also realized that rest has been good. However, I am a go guy. Stick your foot on the gas guy. I want to go.

I have a couple blended messages coming at me. Nothing jumps out at me as take this path and GO! So? I will just write, and I am sure they will link together.

The one message that jumps out at me the most right now, is a very sensitive issue a friend shared with me. I have known about his issue for most of our friendship and we have even talked about it over the years. He even asked me to help him with it over 20 years ago. It’s been a while since we talked, so I bumped him with a funny reel I ran into; that I just couldn’t stop laughing at. He responded with the usual laughter and then he sent me a YouTube video that he said, explained his entire life. It was in the neighborhood of about 12 minutes long and I watched the entire video.

The video saddened me but also provided hope. The man in the video shared all his struggles with the issue, and he shared all his battles and attempts to overcome the fear that is associated with the issue. My friend shared with me that this video and description was what he could never put into words before. It spoke for him. The sad part is knowing how much this has affected my friend over the years. When I say affected, I mean shame. Shame has kept him in this place. Shame of this issue has limited his life…And that sucks! I suspect trauma is the root but how to unravel it has been a mystery. Here was the hope:

The final conclusion of the video was that this man was still struggling with the same identical problem that my friend struggles with. He was still struggling despite all his attempts to address it. You know what the guy’s final message was? I have to put in the work!

I completely Identify with this. It took me 43 years to grasp my bipolarism and learn how to deal with it. It was weird too, because look at how it is connected:

1. I had to stop acting out sexually – Well this is weird. How does this fit into bipolarism? Well, medical science has proven that mental health issues are often coupled with addictions. Why? Because it numbs out feelings. This doesn’t mean all bipolar people have addictions, it just means there are higher percentages of people who have mental health issues that are found in this group. Either way, I needed to address that symptom!
2. Shame – Shame is the work of Satan. Satan loves it when we feel shame. Sexual acting act while looked great in the feel better category, is also shameful. However, you know what else is shameful? Having a mental health issue that you don’t even understand and that limits your abilities and causes you to do things that you have an inability to control and are shameful. In my case the primary shameful activities were sexual acting out and fits of intense out of control anger that was also often coupled with violence. (destruction – throwing things and breaking things was my violence)
3. Acceptance. One of the very first things I had to do was accept that I am bipolar. However, identifying it was also a huge factor. The first time it was mentioned to me I was 30 years old. For various reasons, I set aside that concept until 8 years ago. I approached bipolarism again and after a bout of unsuccessful treatment, I threw it to the side once again. Then it came up again and I tried to address it with medication and that failed with awful bodily rejection side effects of those medicines and suicidal thinking. This time though, I finally accepted it. More talk therapy and strategy were applied, and I kept working at it to find a solution. Today I have a strategy that mostly keeps my bipolarism in check.
4. Management and maintenance – my management plan is not written down. However, my family and friends are part of my team. Some of them don’t even know they are on the team. I just talk to them and they help me. I take a supplement every day that I found that calms me and is a derivative of what the medical world prescribes in some cases for my condition. It is considered micro dosing which is a thing. In my case the smaller dose will protect my kidneys while still doing the work. I found studies that show the way the chemistry is bound in the method I take, is absorbed by the body much quicker than the medically approved version which Doctors prescribe at a 98% higher dose! When things get really bad and I zoom into hypomania, I go for the Xanax which really calms me down. My plan is nontraditional, and it is not Doctor prescribed. (the Xanax is prescribed). Phil found what works for him and I tell my Doctors what I am doing because they are part of my team. In addition, my plan is flexible. I am open to change, and I am constantly trying to refine it and improve it. For example. I can take two of my supplements to help with a potential onset of hypomania when I feel it coming. Even at two of my supplements, I am still at 96% less dose than traditional medicine. In addition, my plan is economical. Science has found that the supplement I take is completely proven to work. And it does work for me! The sad part is, what I am doing will never be approved in the medical world. Why? MONEY. Simple math says that if it only takes 98% less of what doctors prescribe to get the same result, why would a drug company spend millions of dollars to develop and get a drug approved that makes them 98% less.  

That’s the truth.

I feel like this post went sideways. Part of me is unsure if this is the correct message for today.  You know what? There is a connection. Maybe I should have written this for my Collective Connections Series?

I think it is just perfect!