In a quest to try and help a friend with a problem, I have been networking. I have been looking for a friend who might have answers or know some answers to help me help a friend. I reached out to a guy I used to sponsor in my 12-step program who I haven’t talked to in about 9 years. It turned into a reunion of sorts.

First thing out of the gate is, we are getting old. I entered a 12-step program and truly started getting my life in order over 20 years ago. I was 30 years old. At the time, I was the youngest guy around in the rooms for many years. Digging up this age thing really just gives me gratitude. What if I was still in the trap of addiction? I have met many men who don’t find recovery until they are in their 60’s and older. I even recall a story about a guy who showed up who was 89.

The long and short is, my friend was unable to help me in the way I was looking for as he is now retired.

There is yet another saying/slogan in the 12-step rooms. This is something a sponsor would say to a sponsee. It goes like this: When you call me, you end up helping me more than I help you. When I was talking to this guy, that is what happened. I called him, I ended up helping him more than I helped myself. There is a peace you gain from helping others.

We had agreed to talk that night at 8pm. I called him at that time, and he did not answer. About 10 mins later, he called me back and there were little kids in the background screaming and yelling and having a hoot of a time. He was watching his four grand kids and as he apologized, he was laughing at the insanity that was going on in his house. All I could do was smile. He was having an awesome moment. He asked me if I could give him about 5- 10 minutes so he could put the kids down for bed and he would call me back. Of course, I agreed. While we were discussing how he would call me back, he was trying to round the kids up for bed at the same time. The kids were just having a grand old time and the remarks, and the rowdiness of the kids made for this hilarious moment. We both laughed at how ridiculous the situation was for him as I wished him good luck while we were laughing and hanging up until he called me back.  

Here is how I helped him. After we caught up on old memories and traded updates on where we are in our recovery and our overall space of our lives, he shared a story about where he was at one point in his story with regard to wanting to take his own life. He didn’t just share that fact, he also shared with me the details of what his plan was to take his own life. It was an unexpected moment. As he got deeper into describing his plan, I tried to cut him off. I was hopeful he wasn’t reliving the thoughts while telling it, but if I am honest, I was being selfish. It was reminding me of my more recent struggle with suicidal thinking just over 5 years ago when coming off medications for bipolar that were killing me in another way. He pressed on with his story and I allowed it because somewhere deep inside me I knew he needed to tell his story.

I closed my eyes and stretched out on the chair I was sitting in and listened. That’s when it happened. He told me he was tearing up as he was telling me, and the phone went silent as he cried. Then the God Rush flooded in. “Had I done that; I wouldn’t have just had one of the greatest moments in my life putting my grandkids to bed.” 

Do I need to tell you any more of the story?

God Rush