For years I was confused, trying to understand God’s calling for me. Passionate, and driven, the fresh memory of finding Jesus was on my heart. I knew I needed to give back what was freely given to me. But how? I had a vision. I had a real vision. I had a God vision. The vision that God wanted me to make amends, to not just my wife and the women I may have offended in my sexually addictive path, but to ALL women.

In my own self leading way, I took God’s vision and put a human spin on it. They call this method the “MY WAY.” I knew what He wanted me to do, but I stopped listening. Was it my ego? Was it my bipolar? Was it just confusion? I had good intentions. I wanted what God wanted… didn’t I? So, I set out to do His will. I did just like I always did. “Throw crap up against the wall and see what sticks.” Nothing stuck. Or so I thought. It was blurry and undefined. I couldn’t see. Try as I might, but I just couldn’t see. The confusion was at times quite disturbing. For cryin out loud! – “Just tell me what you want!” I would say to Him. “Show me.” How many times did I pray that? I was stuck.

It wasn’t what I imagined. It was this weird thing that had been happening for years and one could question the reality of it. It was like that passive aggressive person who you know is pushing your buttons, but they did such a good job at being covert, if you called them out on it, you could be wrong. If I was wrong or made a wrong move, it could cost me-BIG. BIG GOD BIG. It turned into just some empty space to write in and maybe some e-connection from afar.

You know this as Give Your Story.

What the heck is this? I got no leader, no direction, and no one to talk to about it. Blank stares are the best way to describe it. By the grace of God, I pressed on.

You see, I figured, since I knew it was right to give back, and that was what God wanted, and after all, I was totally willing, why not just show me? And I will gleefully go do it.

DOESN’T THAT MAKE SENSE?

It certainly made sense to me! Anything you want God. Sure God, I got you. (Real good one eh? “I got God.”) I am in. Let’s do this! “Anything you want!” I even said, “I love you.” However, I had forgotten something. Something BIG. Worldly thinking and human thought are not the same logic followed in the Spiritual world. Spiritual warfare does not follow worldly logic.

Apparently, it did not make sense in God’s eyes. Apparently, He had other plans. Apparently, He wanted to show me in His way, in His time. He wanted to use my struggles, my imperfections, my weaknesses to give me His strength, to show me His WAY.

So, I had to freakin wait. By the grace of God, I pressed on. And God’s got all day to wait. He is patient. Ya know who was going to win that battle, right?

In more recent days my argument diminished. My inner discussion with God went something like this. “Just define it.” If you would just define it, that would be good enough….then I could let go. Then I could surrender. That old negotiation with God thing….

I had to participate by accepting His Way.

So, today I saw. He defined it for me. He Showed me. He gave me the pieces of the puzzle to finish the outside perimeter.

I was sitting in my office and all of the sudden it just clicked – “Oh.” And it all came together.

And? I don’t deserve it.
And? It humbles me.
And, now I see what all the smiles and excitement are about.
And, now together, we can get on with it!
And, now together, we can build.
And, now together, we can give people hope.
And, now together, we can fight toxic messages.
And now together, we can spread the WORD…That the Jesus method is what really matters!

I didn’t choose this road.
I found a Christian friend by accident.
I didn’t choose this road.
I found a Christian friend who led by example.
I didn’t choose this road.
I found a Christian friend who spoke my language.
I didn’t choose this road.
I found a Christian friend who shared in my burdens.
I didn’t choose this road.
I found a Christian friend who cared for me.
I didn’t choose this road.
I found a Christian friend who showed me Jesus.
I didn’t choose this road.
I found a Christian friend who watered my garden.
I didn’t choose this road.
I found a Chris-tian friend who shared her family with me.
I didn’t choose this road.
I found Christian friends, who love Jesus.