Can you see it? Can you read it? Do you like that it is partially hidden? What do you do to feel good? 

Do you tell lies? Are you a liar?

In my 12 step program, I often deal with men who are compulsive liars. They not only lie to get sex, but they lie to cover their sexual behaviors as well. Then they enter recovery, get sober, yet they never stop lying.

They are addicted to lying. These men will call me and tell me about the dumbest stuff that they continue to lie about. Not only did they lie, but they are now only getting honest because they got caught. They have consequences. Often, they didn’t even have a good reason to lie in the first place. They just chose to lie.

Then I become the recipient of their dramatic phone calls. They call me with their woes. They tell me about their lies. They tell me about their consequences. They are powerless. They are even often hopeless. They are looking for me to listen. They are looking to me for answers. I have little to say except. STOP IT. 

I just don’t have an answer for them except, STOP IT!

Sometimes when I hang up the phone after one of those calls, I sit and ponder. Why? Why do they do this? Why can’t they stop? After years and years of these repeated phone calls, I have finally figured out what the problem is.

THEY LIE BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD. 

Sounds weird eh? Hear me out. Think about this from a drinking stand point. They drink because it feels good. Until it doesn’t. Hangovers, internal turmoil, financial loss, trouble with the law, relationship problems. The list goes on. Now put Sex addiction into that equation. It feels good. Until it doesn’t. Hangovers, internal turmoil, financial loss, trouble with the law, relationship problems. The list goes on. Why do they do it? Because it feels good for a minute. Then shame and guilt enter into the equation. But where does lying fall into this discussion? 

Endorphins.  

As an example, in sex addiction, endorphins is a key component to the cycle. Sure sex feels good. However, there is an added element. Endorphins. 

One can Get Off on Self!

How? Endorphin hits created within your own brain, by whatever it is you do that excites you, gives you an added rush. It’s an added component to the god of your choice. I ask this question: What’s your flavor?

For some it is drinking alcohol. Others it could be drugs. Sex is my past struggle. Food is another. We can even put gambling or spending money on the list. Here is one that will knock your socks off:

In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous there is a story about a J Walker. The J Walker can not stop J Walking. He gets hit by cars often and lands in the hospital. Yet as soon as he is released from the hospital, he goes right back out and continues to J Walk. One might think what a silly Sally as they say. You and I can see how stupid this really is. However, this bloke can’t get enough. The endorphins he creates from the rush of almost getting hit by a car causes him to continue the behavior. It’s a fatal game. Yet, he CAN NOT STOP.

Do you see how it is not far-fetched that lying fits into this idea of feeling good is why they do it? It is the same thing except it lacks a second component. There is no physical. It is an internal brain chemistry only. When people lie and they think it works for a minute, it feels good. They get an endorphin hit. (They get off on self – negative feelings they associate with “feeling good” – the endorphins) Then? Shame and guilt crawl in. The cycle continues. How do you feel good to cover the shame and guilt? Do it again! Drink, Drug, Sex, Food, Buy, Lie etc… your affliction of choice AGAIN. Then you have the narcissists. That’s an endless path of discussion for another day. You have to ask yourself. Is this you?

Hangovers, internal turmoil, financial loss, trouble with the law, relationship problems. The list goes on.

Let’s face it. Feeling good is good. Feeling good is….WELL IT FEELS GOOD! UNTIL IT DOESN’T! And then there are feelings. Some feelings don’t feel good. So we can stuff em. And then we think we feel good all the time! Until we don’t. And then we are left with a pile of CRAP that is so HUGE we can not find our way out. SHAME AND GUILT RULES. And instead of getting Honest. Instead of seeking TRUTH. We just stay in our PILE OF CRAP because we think it is easier. 

NEWS FLASH! 

THE CRAP PILE JUST GETS BIGGER.

Matthew 12:36-37

But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Feeling Good Feels Good. Until it Doesn’t.